is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My balls are so social today.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
