Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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