dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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