Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
