sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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