Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
