How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
