I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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