my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
