college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize