I am in a vortex of obligation.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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