This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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