Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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