census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
