is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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