dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
