I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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