I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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