Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
