Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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