i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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