you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
