just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize