I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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