The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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