When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
