It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
