Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
