last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
