So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
