You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
