I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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