the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
