I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
