evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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