My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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