Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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