Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
