Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
