Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
