Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
