what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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