He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
