For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
