Jerry, you need to find god
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
