Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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