My girlfriend figured out who you are.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
