Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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