Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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