Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
