there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
