Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
