i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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