Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
is it fun? or sober?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
