He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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