Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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