she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
