K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize