just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
