think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
