my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
