i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
