I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
