Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
