college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
