I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize