Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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