it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
