Too much gin, very little bucket
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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