Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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