Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
