8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there is glitter all over my balls
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
