# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
