wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
