he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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