the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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