1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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