I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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