The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
