I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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