You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
