You made me cry and you don't even care
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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