4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
