I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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