I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
