I wanna passion pit in your ass
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
