Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize