She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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