I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
